Weenie Dog

There comes a time in a dog’s life when she gives up guard-dogging duties, and cashes in on her senior citizen rights. With this transition comes a hefty change in priorities. The days of burglar barking have been replaced with 12-hour naps interrupted only by the occasional pantry pounce.

A typical problem us pet owners run into on a fairly regular basis, at some point in our lives. While we still adore old faithful, duty calls and.. well, we need that sense of comfort in this chaotic suburban world, where our primary enemies are coyotes, skunks and the occasional annoying neighbor.

As weeks went by pondering over our ideal guard dog, we decided to go with none other than another powerful bullmastiff. I mean, honestly, who’s going to mess with a dog the size of a golf cart? Having a dog of that size would not only keep my family protected, but also transport my martinis on their soon to be made doggie tray harness.

As it turns out, Bella the 130+ pound bullmastiff is a big softy. Where is the gatekeeper that was bred to engage poachers and hold them to the ground without mauling them??! Protective my toosh! Would we have faired better importing an elephant from Africa? I mean the poops were quite comparable in size. We witnessed in awe, as our “heroine” scampers howling through the house, tail between the legs with our 5-pound cat in hot-pursuit.

It’s become apparent that our biggest threat is no longer intruders; it’s the potential of Bella eating us out of house and home. It would come as no surprise if I were to walk in the house one day after work to find the beast kissing the faces of a couple of robbers she let into the house. Ferocious protector? Hmm. Unconditional lover? Yes. Although my dream of sun bathing in safety as Bella delivers me a delicious cocktail has faltered, we love her now more than ever.

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